People might think you are strong. They even might say to you “you? Do YOU have a depression? No, that’s not possible. What a girl like you could be not happy about?”
Sometimes we drop things like that on another person without raising a question to ourselves before opening our mouth – do we actually know enough about this person to be able to judge what could be wrong with their lives? A funny thing is that many of us automatically when it comes to real life situations try to pretend that everything is better than it actually is. we want to be seen as interesting cool people that others would be willing to hang out with us. But then when it comes to others we forget that this might be a global survival skill gained out by evolution. Maybe, huh? so before we say anything to another person let’s try to, first of all, gather enough information to be able to judge and comment.
I believe many people tend to forget what depression is. It’s an illness. It means no one chooses it, it just happens. We see people’s happy faces, covered with masks, their supposedly perfect lives, or sometimes we imagine that others live a crazily exciting reality, it’s only us who don’t. Because of the perfect life pictures that everyone chooses to post on their social media. How often does anyone post an embarrassing moment of their day? Or something very sad that happened? No one shares the pain. And that’s how we get into an illusion of an imagined reality that might not reflet it perfectly.
we choose what we believe in.
If someone tells you “I’m down, I have an anxiety disorder, or PTSD or depression” or anything similar to that… Don’t forget that first of all it’s not easy to say it out loud to someone else, so don’t be insensitive, if somebody opens up to you, let that person speak and try to be empathic. Listen. Just because you imagine that this person might have a perfect life and is happy it doesn’t mean that is true.
Moreover, when we forget that no one chooses to have a dysfunction, disorder or illness, we need to consider what that means. People who suffer from similar things will not need any explanation. They will know what your daily struggles consist of; however, many others can be quite insensitive. That is because they lack knowledge. It is challenging to explain, to put it in words because it’s not a physical but a mental dysfunction and another one could have problems to imagine. So let’s put it this way. It means I can’t function normally in society anymore because my pain for life is affecting it. I have difficulties to proceed with daily tasks. I stay in my bed or my apartment for days not being able to get out of it.
Of course, the feeling of being trapped is only in my head. It also includes a strong determination about how am I going to do many things, starting tomorrow. And I believe in it so bad. I will start tomorrow surely. Or the day after. What does it change? Nothing. One day. Pff, nothing. And then the loop engulfs you in.
That is not called laziness. If it was, the antidepressants would be commonly known as “get to do stuff” pill. However, people tend to call it a happiness pill.
And you know you are stuck there. You realise that entirely, but you cannot get out of it. You keep on spinning.
Crawling. You need to concentrate on that. Crawling is moving forwards.
Go back to one thing a day rule. Forget about what others think of you. They don’t know you, even if one of your friends says: oh, but you are strong! Don’t take that as a dispute. Just hear what was said: somebody thinks you are strong. Just because you don’t believe it yourself does not mean that is not true. Accept that kind word. Take in that compliment.
Everything is in your head anyway. So allow yourself to crawl. With the idea that the crawling will eventually change to the attempts to walk. And that’s all you need to work on. On the efforts. And then just start crawling. One of the most important parts of crawling is TO STOP CARING OF WHAT OTHERS THINK.
Don’t push yourself too much. Don’t get judgmental. Because once you do, you will go back as if your effort of today didn’t count. Oh yes, you’ve only taken a shower today. You didn’t do extra reading for a university you wanted. You spent a day eating and watching TV shows. But so what? Many people do that, and you are in charge of your activities. If that was not a satisfying day, make sure that tomorrow when you wake up, your day will go differently.
STOP CARING WHAT YOU THINK.
Always think of yourself as of a third person, as of a friend that you are continually chatting with. Is there an issue? What would you say to a friend if he or she shared that with you? Respond to that thought and advice yourself wisely. Encourage yourself: express support by pushing your mind to admit that your body or your mind did some achievements. Do that. And then keep on going.
STOP CARING WHAT YOU THINK.
Keep on having reasons every day to give yourself a little petting on your shoulder for what you did today. Its okay, even if it’s a ridiculous thing, not considered as an important one. You are the one who believes that. Society? Are they there going through your day with you? Nope. Thus, their opinion matters not. Just be the one who observes what happened and gives yourself credit.
STOP CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK.
I am not asking you to start being extra fake optimistic. That would be quite an extreme. Otherwise, applying acting – when you are doing a good performance you have to 100% believe in what you are doing. If you do, others who watch you pouring a non-existing bottle of wine into the non-existing glass will follow of what’s going on there on stage. Be a part of the audience who supports the play.
Keep giving yourself acknowledgements because you are the only one who knows your full story and the one who sees you 24/7. So actually it’s only you whose opinion should matter. You are the one who has a position to object with a decent bias. Keep that in mind – tell that to your mind. And when your mind pushes you down, remind it that we are all 3 playing the game – me, my body and my mind. All so interrelated, dependant on each other but me, I am in power of the other two.
If only they listen, the most challenging part, I guess. Be aware of the weaknesses of the mind. And the strike is in there. The body suffers, or is closed in one place, or is restricted by specific considered rules because mind says so. The mind sometimes forgets that we all work together. The mind is me. My body is me. Don’t call me any other words to understand what that is because everybody knows there is me, my body and my mind, that makes me, a player in this universe.
You are the one for yourself – the triple power, the triple weakness. Let yourself control your body and your mind. Start with the body because that other one is the most difficult to be controlled. Only after you shut up the mind, the body will follow the instructions given by the mind. It’s simple but complicated. The tricky part is to hear yourself because the mind occupies so much time there. So much that sometimes the body lays down in bed for a day starring to the dot on the wall. All the energy goes to the mind that keeps producing the thoughts relentlessly, one after the other, keeping you crushed. Start letting your body to have some play in your existence. Do not let those thoughts to be all that you are. Start dancing to your favourite music when you are home alone.
STOP CARING WHAT YOU THINK.
Mind, please, shut up for a bit. I am tired. I know exactly what you are going to say to me, I don’t like those thoughts, they make my body stuck or limited, or it leads to my general unhappiness due to listening to you too much.
Somebody was shocked I have depression, said: “but you are so strong”! I listen to you too much, and that’s how I let all the thoughts and punches down to come in and win over. I am fine, and there are people around me. The ones who appreciate me, the ones who like even the ones who look up to me and me. Just by closing up to your discourse I don’t let the new thoughts, knowledge, observations to come in and transform me, my body and my mind into a being who is just here, being where he/she is and enjoys the existence. Maybe the situation is not great, never is, but that’s again the mind that creates the misery based on what could be, or what I imagine the happy people are.
You know what mind, fuck off, I have enough of you, let me be.
Stop caring what you think, act.
Stop caring THAT others think.